The female mind

I'm staying with my parents for a few days around Christmas, and every day they keep my two little nieces until their mom gets off work.  My zen master like father thought he would take this opportunity to teach me about the female mind.  He began by saying..."you know Dan, you can learn a lot about women by watching Kinsey." (my three year old niece)  Somewhat skeptical, I asked Kinsey "What do you want?"  Indeed, she went on a long diatribe of things that didn't make sense, and during this diatribe, she did seem to change her mind several times, almost indicating that she didn't know what she wanted.  Intrigued with what my father had to teach me, I observed her behavior over the next 20 minutes and listened to the commentary my father provided.  His hypothesis is the female gender does not change from age three forward and if you pay close attention, you will observe this phenomena in their tactics.  Kinsey wanted to play Candyland (she had already SMOKED me at a game of memory.)  Dad said "if you play Candyland with her, watch her because she will cheat."  I made a deal with her that I would play Candyland, but if I caught her cheating, I would quit.  We even shook on it!!!  I got out Candyland and we started to play.  Initially, she did take some "creative license" in where to move her game piece.  I gave her the benefit of the doubt.  It was when I drew one of those cards that lets you move way down the board (I think I drew the peanut house), that the expression on Kinsey's face changed.  I looked away to say something to my dad and looked back at Kinsey to find her going through the cards trying to find one of the cards that would allow her to move way down the board.  I said she was cheating and I was going to quit playing.  Kinsey immediately laid down on the carpet face down and started pouting that I had quit playing with her.  Dad said "this is the phase women go through when they have been caught.  They start playing the "crying card" trying to get you to feel sorry for their actions."  "When that doesn't work, the next stage is to create a diversion that makes you feel like you are needed in their life."  For Kinsey, this amounted to me to turn on a lava lamp so she could watch it move.  For an older woman, this could have included a call to have me come over and her move a sofa.  After Kinsey successfully sucked me into this trap, she was cheerful because she knew she had won "the game".  At this point, the cycle is prone to repeat itself, expecting the man to forget all past transgressions, while the woman is allowed to remember everything you ever promised to them.   Its a painful moment of clarity when you realize, as a man, I have fallen for many of the same traps in relationships I have fallen for with my niece.  My father should charge a workshop fee for teaching single, clueless men like me the phyche of the female mind.  Much to learn from this man I have still to do.