All-American boy

Hi, my name is Dan.  I grew up in the Midwest, not directly on a farm, but beside one.  I used to help my grandpa sometimes pick up hay.  I grew up in the same house since I was ten months old.  Mom & dad, apple pie, and rock 'n roll are great things.  My hair is brown, I have a nice smile, I'm over 6' tall, and I like to run and exercise.  I think I know what it means to work for what you want, and I grew up seeing those in my family provide for me.  I go to church every Sunday, love God, and I really enjoy doing so.  I love sports, like cars, and working on liking beer.  I have a wonderful girlfriend that everyone adores...she has brown hair too.  I love my country, I'm very concerned about its future, I know the preamble to the constitution, I'm a Republican to Libertarian in my beliefs, and I fly an American flag outside my door.  I say sir and ma'am a lot and I like opening a door for a lady.  I miss my family and I love seeing them.  My nieces are growing up so fast!  When I finally grow up, I want to be a doctor so I can help people.  I want to make the world a better place. I like shopping at Wal-Mart.  I'm an All-American boy.

My first beer

I pretty much have the pallet of a four year old, and thus tend to go for sweet drinks. The other night, I was hanging out with Victoria and I was having a fruity drink. So fruity in fact that the cap of the twist off bottle looked to be pink. I caught this look from Victoria that I had never seen before…was I about to become a man? Indeed I was, as she wanted me to drink my first beer.

The beer that night was a Boulevard Wheat beer. I've tasted beer before and never really liked it, much less drank a whole one for myself. Deciding to not let my manhood come into my question from my girlfriend, I accepted the challenge and knew what I had to do. I started to drink my beer. I would liken the experience to drinking that beer to taking off a band-aid very slowly. As the hours passed, the level of liquid slowly but surely decreased. Finally, I was able to finish off the last of the beer and I slammed it down with a manly stroke. Instantly, I felt chest hair starting to sprout on my chest. I had become a man, or at least a high school sophomore.

Know your customer

I saw this display at my local Schnucks (yes we have those in Illinois). Notice what section the ping pong balls are located. Apparently, these balls used to be bought to play the game of table tennis before the invention of beer pong.