Healed

This is a repost of a blog entry my friend Annie told me about.  Its a good way to think how our pasts affect our present, future, and the grand plan God has for us that we can never figure out on our own.  How do we heal?  What heals us?  Why do we go through pain?  Thanks Annie for letting me know about this and thank you Amy for writing this very insightful piece.  The original posting can be found here.

The other day, Paul and I were talking about a friend of ours that we had not seen in a while. She had been due one day apart from me when we had our second miscarriage. Every once in a while, I see pictures of her cute little guy on Facebook. I told Paul, "The funny thing is, when I look at his pictures, I don't really think about how we would have had a baby the same age as him." We have another friend who had a baby within a few days of that same due date. I said, "When I look at Kayla, I just look at Kayla. I'm not comparing her to what our baby would have been at this stage."

Then he said, "Sadie healed you."

And even though there are always scars from experiences like that.....I know there must be because I have talked to women who lost babies through miscarriage 30 or 40 years ago who still get teared up in the conversation....I realized that scars are not open wounds. They are areas where wounds once were, but they are healed. God leaves those marks, though not always physical, as reminders of His goodness through those times, of the ways that He healed the hurt. I know God healed the painful wounds. And He did it through this....

Gas fail

In part two (and an "Only Dan" moment of my Vegas trip), I'm going to talk about rental cars.  Ah, for a brief time while you are out of town, you have the joy of renting a rental car.  The mirrors are out of wack, you don't know where any of the radio stations are located, and you tend not to know the quirks of the car you have rented.  For those of you who have rented a car, you know that you are responsible for the gas you use, and you must return the car with a full tank of gas or you get charged a pretty steep fee.  I was returning my car and I had not yet filled the car up with gas.  Avis, the company I rented from, has a policy that if you have driven the car less than 75 miles, you can return the car and be charged a flat $13 for a refueling fee.  Even though $13 isn't much, I thought it was a bit steep, especially since I didn't think I drove all that much.  I decided to fill up the car myself, turn in my receipt, and have the $13 charged to my account.  I pulled up to the gas station and I started searching for the fuel door lever...I couldn't find one.  I got out of the car thinking the fuel door might have a notch on it that you simply pull open like my car has...it did not.  I search and searched for the lever to open the fuel door and I simply could not find it.  I finally gave up and looked up my car on the internet.  I found out you had to open the fuel door by pushing in on it and it would pop open.  Sure enough, it did.  I filled up my car and the bill ended up being...$11.  I was so proud of myself; I had saved $2!  I was thinking how proud my dad would be of me.

I arrived to the airport and attempted to check into my flight.  The kiosk returned an error and told me to go see an agent.  When I got up to the counter, I was told I had arrived too late without checking in and I would not be allowed to board.  In essence, I was going to miss my flight.  I was told that I could wait for three hours and see if I could get another flight for a fee of $50.  I waited three hours, only to be told that all remaining flights to St. Louis that day were full.  If I wanted to return that day, I was going to have to buy another ticket on another airline.  Total cost to get back to St. Louis...$300.  The reason I missed my flight completely due to not being able to put gas in my car and trying to save a few bucks.

There are many lessons that can be learned from this story.  Don't be penny wise and pound foolish.  Give yourself PLENTY of time to get to the airport.  Above all, though, don't be hard on yourself when you make a mistake.  Surprisingly, I wasn't that upset by the whole ordeal.  I was thankful for having the chance to take such a wonderful trip, see some friends, and enjoy myself  for a weekend.  I've been working on not beating myself up and being more forgiving of the mistakes I make.  This was a good chance to practice this new tact, and I think I handled the situation pretty well.  In a case like this, all you can do is laugh about it and do what it takes to make the situation better.  As it is, I made it home safely...but not without a serious scare in Phoenix that involved the highest branches of the federal government!!! (This is, what we call in the business, a tease...stay tuned for more!)

So now what

Do you ever hit a crossroads?  You feel like one door has closed behind you and you don't know what the next door to open up will be?  That is where I feel like I am today.  I'm very emotionally drained because of what I've gone through recently.  I've cried a lot, I've prayed a lot, I've thought a lot.  I've learned that I'm a very alive person on the inside because I can feel.  I've learned that my whole path God has laid out in front of me has not been revealed to me.  I've learned that I can love.  So now what for me?  What will my next pre-med class be like?  Who will I meet?  Who will I love?  Where will I go?

Toughen up buttercup

I was pretty much chewed out tonight for asking a question in which the person who I asked found the question annoying.  What can I learn from this?

In some respects, I think I should toughen up a bit.  Watching as much baseball as I have, the one thing I have learned that makes a great closer is a short memory.  They are quick to forget their success and quick to forget their blown saves.  In my own life, I have a tendency to dwell on the mistakes I make.  If I hope to have a career in medicine where people may die around me, I must be able to focus on the next task at hand for nothing that is in the past can be changed.  I also believe that there is something to be learned from every situation you come across if you chose to, regardless of the side.  If, for instance, you play poker and you lose a hand on a bluff, attempt to learn something from your opponent; perhaps you will be able to read his bluff in the future.  Finally, I believe most things in this life are a choice.  To take the two examples above, I can choose to attempt to toughen up from this experience by focusing on the next task at hand.  I can choose to learn something from this situation, perhaps a different mode of communication for one individual compared to another.  Hopefully another thing I can learn and choose to do is to not be so hard on myself.  I could quote all the trite definitions of failure, such as failure is not getting back up once you've fallen down etc, but instead I believe it is helpful to think of it as there are going to be times which you do not succeed.  Embrace it, learn from it, grow from it, and don't beat yourself up over it; it happens to the best of us.

Don't think it can be done.  I'd remind you what the ultimate life manual says on the subject...

"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"
                                                                            Philippians 4:13

Lessons learned from the movie Karate Kid part III

Yeah, I just finished watching it from start to finish (with commercials)....deal with it!

This is what I learned.

Just like a bonsai tree chooses to grow its own way when its root is strong, we can only chose to grow our own way when our roots are strong.

It is ok to lose to an opponent, it is not ok to lose to fear.

For a person with no forgiveness in their heart, living is a worse punishment than death.

Better to do nothing on a full stomach than an empty one.

You should never tuck your shirt in without wearing a belt.

In the 1980s, a first semester's tuition of community college can buy you a deposit and two months rent on a really crappy, run down storefront by railroad tracks.

Oftentimes, as much as we want to solve others problems for them, the only real way is for the person to find their own solution and their own path.

Mr. Myagi may be the most wise man to have ever live. He has such balance in his life. He also proves that you too can kick the butts of people more than half your age with limited range of motion, even to the point that they can't land a finger on you.

1980s Dance/Love music sucks on 99% of all occasions.

Never, never never never never never wear a gold chain on the outside of a round neck shirt like Snake did.

Getting into the chemical dump business pays the bills...dang.

I want to take Karate Lessons!!!